ZeroCal™

This is an April Fool's joke.

Why ZeroCal™?

Australians consume an average of 1200 calories a day in excess of recommended levels*. Although recent focus in the public mind has been on the negative effects of fats, excess calories still contribute to the obesity epidemic in a major way.

How It Works

• The meals contain a large proportion of foods with negative calories (cauliflower, cucumbers, celery, garlic etc.) creating a calorie deficit.

• •Many high-calorie foods (like meat) are substituted with lower-calorie foods that are just as delicious (like seafood).

• •The remaining calories are erased through our proprietary CalBurnKnob™ technology. This is a knob on the takeaway box that's very hard to open (see picture below) – meaning you burn off the remainder just by opening the container!

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by rom ~ Thursday, 16 February 2012 0 comments

Bar jokes

Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"

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by rom ~ 0 comments

Recruiting any and all pilots

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited.

As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself.

He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"

The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!"

The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man says, "I chop wood!"

"Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?"

"I chop wood!"

"Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!"

"Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"

"Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"

The young man rolls his eyes and says, "So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!"

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by rom ~ 0 comments

Life's Crazy Rules

* Lerman's Law of Technology: Every technical problem can be overcome if given enough time & money. Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.

* Murphy's Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

* Law of Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. 

Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.

* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the company, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be do, you'll want to do something else.

* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross references.

* Isaac's Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale and any food that starts out soft will harden when stale

* Kenny's Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The chocolate that you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will not be noticed. When you leave work early, you will meet your boss in the parking lot.

* Quile's Consultation Law: The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.

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by rom ~ 0 comments

RECESSION UPDATES

1. Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and the thirty thieves. Ten were laid off.


2. Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin.... and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at
the same rate


3. Iron man now "air-pooling" with Superman to save fuel costs.

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by rom ~ 0 comments

EGO, then and now

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